Ride

I have entered my final semester of college and with this comes major life changing decisions. What are you going to do after graduation? Several people have asked. Honestly? I have no idea! This same question has been plaguing my mind lately. What AM I going to do with my life? My contract and plans all end in May. I always dreamed of graduating college but it never seemed like an obtainable goal. It was just something that I was working towards but probably wouldn't actually accomplish. It always just seemed so far away, and surely by the time I graduated I would be so wise and mature. I would be so put together and  poised and I most definitely wouldn't still be single.  Even as a freshman in college I pitied the "old" girls that were still single at graduation, and now here I am in the same situation. However, my perspective has changed and I by no means feel sorry for myself. I wouldn't trade these (single) years for anything. I have learned so much and have gotten to know myself as an individual. I know my likes and dislikes. I am blatantly aware of my many imperfections. But you know what? I am OKAY with them! I just always imagined that at this point in my life I would have a husband to help me figure things out. Should I stay in Logan and work? What about a mission? Or I could start working on my Masters? Get my Masters at Utah State or somewhere else? The possibilities are endless! This should excite me but it doesn't. It just gets my heart racing and sends me into a panic attack. One thing I have learned about myself? I HATE change. Alright that's not entirely true, I hate change that I'm not in total control of. Yes, I will admit it I'm a control freak. The unknown scares me more than anything. You would think by now (seeing as I'm already a whopping 22 years old) I would be used to it. I'm not. What if I make the wrong choice? What if I absolutely hate it? Will doing this completely change the course of my life? I have even tried to enlist others to decide for me. That way if it's a terrible choice I can blame them :) Honestly it comes down to what Heavenly Father has planned for me. But remember how I'm a control freak? Yeah, I have a hard time even turning everything over to him. Yes, I do realize He knows what's best for me even more than I do. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to relinquish  control. I'm a freak I know. Ha. I was discussing all of this with my mom and after awhile she finally just said "You are so doom and gloom lately!" I instantly got defensive and was like no, no I'm not. I hate to admit it but I think she's right. We are only 2 weeks into the new semester and I'm already worrying excessively about things that are still months away. Music, especially country music speaks to my soul. There are several lines in Martina McBride's song Ride that fit my life quite perfectly right now. "You can hide beneath the covers, or you can run outside, head up high and carry on. Life is a roller coaster ride...It brings you up slowly then shoots you like a rocket toward the ground. It twists you and shakes you before it turns you upside down. You can't see what's around the corner and you can't look back so just live it up and feel the rush." So that is what I'm going to TRY and do. Life is indeed a roller coaster ride, and I just need to take it one day at a time.  No more doom and gloom for me!