Goodbye Idaho it Has Been Great, But Utah is Calling And I Must Go

Goodbyes are not my favorite. In fact they rank quite low on my list; somewhere between sunburnt shoulders and crying in public.This past week I have had several goodbyes. Goodbye to seeing my extended family on a regular basis, goodbye to amazing shopping, goodbye to co-workers, and goodbye to clients who have become quite dear to my heart. In fact one client in particular starting bawling when I told her I was leaving. Which was quite a feat because for the past 2 years we have been working on showing empathy and emotions. So, you can imagine my surprise when she was distraught over my leaving. I will admit I was emotional about leaving her as well. It's funny how they tell you not to get attached, but somehow you find yourself doing it anyway. It's a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together. However, for some time now I've known that I needed to leave Idaho. I understand that it's selfish on my part- putting my needs before anything else. I also know, that in order for me to live a full life I had to leave. Again not because I hated my life there (because I didn't), but because I was only surviving. I'm about to get quite real here so if you aren't ready for that now is the time to stop reading. And trust me I won't be offended at all. This post is not intended to be a "Woe is me" "Feel bad and pity Jody" post, but to be completely honest and open about things. For me to get onto paper what is going on in my life, so I can somehow make sense of it all. Fact: I have been struggling with depression for over 2 years. Fact: I have been on medication for it. Fact: Lately, I feel like I don't want to exist. Not in the "hide the razor blades and be careful what you say to me" way. But in the "I'm exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally type of way." Yes, I get that life is hard and it is intended to be that way. But this extends to more than that. It extends to "I can't do this anymore, life has lost it's meaning, I'm numb emotionally" type of way. Deep down I knew that if I didn't change something in my life, that I wouldn't find motivation to accomplish much more. This coming from a head-strong, I know what I want, life is incredible, person. It's hard when others acknowledge that I'm not who I used to be anymore- that I've lost my enthusiasm for life. The hardest part of that being is that I know it's all true. I miss the happy-go-lucky person that I was- and that I know I can be again. So, that is the main reason I moved back to Utah. I need to be around people who love and support me. I need to be around others that help bring out the real me because she is worth fighting for. So, what's next? I moved home to Cedar City on Wednesday. The plan is to complete my teaching certificate this summer and enjoy spending time with my family. Right now I'm taking everything in stride and trying to live by this quote-


I'm going to miss these humans

especially this one... He has been my rock and has gotten me through some tough times.